Good food. Good people. Good times.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, that I’m a little bit country well…bless your heart. «that would be southern sarcasm for “yer so dumb” or “yew poor thang” and by the way, “poor” round here has two syllables. Try it!
Summer days are here again and for me, this is feel good weather. Winter blues have passed, there’s honeysuckle in the air, lawn mowers rumblin’, cookouts, the river, campin’, fishin’… I could go on and on. It is a fact (well, my fact) that the best place to spend summer is in Tennessee. Not to discriminate against my neighbors and fellow southerners, Georgia an sweet Alabama but they know it’s true. ;)
It don’t take much money if any at all, to have a good time. Big city folk spendin’ all that cash, sittin watchin’ plays…inside, walkin’ round lookin’ at paintings of nature…inside. Not to mention the only way they can see the sky is by lookin’ straight UP! And what’s this shit they’re eatin’? Fake meat? Makes me nauseated just thinkin’ bout it! It’s no wonder they’re all skinny, pasty white, depressed an jumpin’ from buildins! Come down here, get outside, get some sunshine and let’s go jump off a waterfall! Then we’ll fatten you up… i’ll fry up some chicken, mash some taters, put on a pot a greens with a pan of corn bread, slice up some onion and mater’s and serve you a big tall glass of sweet iced tea. Yea, I said SWEET. Went to Chicago once and ordered a sweet tea an they offered me sweet & low.
Bless their heart.
Hey we’re famous down here… we get more talk then Oprah’s couch! I’m sure you’ve heard ‘least one good joke or that old wisecrack like how our brother is our uncle and our daddy. And if you’ve told one well, keep ‘em comin’, they really are funny! I wouldn’t call ‘em knee slappin’ or side splittin’ but funny none the less.
Gota good’un? Leme hear it!
Here, i’ll getcha started by tellin’ you some perty good one liners as said by real people I actually know. I repeat…these here are real(«two syllables) sayin’s from people I know. Are yun’s ready?
It’s colder than a well digger’s ass! -my uncleGreg
He’s so perty I’d like to bite down on his ass an pray for lockjaw to never turn loose! -my aunt Tammy
Faster than a racehorse at the Kentucky Derby with a glue truck behind him! -my hubby
It’s hotter than a two peckered dog! -my hubby
…an I reckon i’ll leave it at that. If you know some funny ones, let me hear ‘em!
Now we been called stupid…so here’s a few wise words told to me by one of the smartest people I ever knew, from the South:
A rollin’ stone never gathers no moss.
Don’t let yer left hand know what your right hands a doin.
A still tongue makes a wise head.
Can’t never could do nothin.
If ya mess with a terd, yer guna get shit.
Ya’ll come back now, ya hear!