Southern Exposure

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Good food. Good people. Good times.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, that I’m a little bit country well…bless your heart. «that would be southern sarcasm for “yer so dumb” or “yew poor thang” and by the way, “poor” round here has two syllables. Try it!

Summer days are here again and for me, this is feel good weather. Winter blues have passed, there’s honeysuckle in the air, lawn mowers rumblin’, cookouts, the river, campin’, fishin’… I could go on and on. It is a fact (well, my fact) that the best place to spend summer is in Tennessee. Not to discriminate against my neighbors and fellow southerners, Georgia an sweet Alabama but they know it’s true. ;)

It don’t take much money if any at all, to have a good time. Big city folk spendin’ all that cash, sittin watchin’ plays…inside, walkin’ round lookin’ at paintings of nature…inside. Not to mention the only way they can see the sky is by lookin’ straight UP! And what’s this shit they’re eatin’? Fake meat? Makes me nauseated just thinkin’ bout it! It’s no wonder they’re all skinny, pasty white, depressed an jumpin’ from buildins! Come down here, get outside, get some sunshine and let’s go jump off a waterfall! Then we’ll fatten you up… i’ll fry up some chicken, mash some taters, put on a pot a greens with a pan of corn bread, slice up some onion and mater’s and serve you a big tall glass of sweet iced tea. Yea, I said SWEET. Went to Chicago once and ordered a sweet tea an they offered me sweet & low.
Bless their heart.

Hey we’re famous down here… we get more talk then Oprah’s couch!  I’m sure you’ve heard ‘least one good joke or that old wisecrack like how our brother is our uncle and our daddy. And if you’ve told one well, keep ‘em comin’, they really are funny! I wouldn’t call ‘em knee slappin’ or side splittin’ but funny none the less.
Gota good’un? Leme hear it!
Here, i’ll getcha started by tellin’ you some perty good one liners as said by real people I actually know. I repeat…these here are real(«two syllables) sayin’s from people I know. Are yun’s ready?

It’s colder than a well digger’s ass! -my uncleGreg

He’s so perty I’d like to bite down on his ass an pray for lockjaw to never turn loose! -my aunt Tammy

Faster than a racehorse at the Kentucky Derby with a glue truck behind him! -my hubby

It’s hotter than a two peckered dog! -my hubby

…an I reckon i’ll leave it at that. If you know some funny ones, let me hear ‘em!

Now we been called stupid…so here’s a few wise words told to me by one of the smartest people I ever knew, from the South:

A rollin’ stone never gathers no moss.

Don’t let yer left hand know what your right hands a doin.

A still tongue makes a wise head.

Can’t never could do nothin.

If ya mess with a terd, yer guna get shit.

thanks granny!

Ya’ll come back now, ya hear!

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16 comments

  1. Your “Bless your heart” statement brought a rush of memory to me, Kellie.

    About a million years ago, when I worked for an Upstate NY college, I was sent to a national conference for university public relations pukes. It was my first real and extended exposure to Southern women.

    My most deeply etched memory is how they would greet one another with a high-pitched and Southern-accented “Lookit, yeeoooo.” It would be echoed by each and, in turn, she would state it in a higher pitch and deeper drawl than her predecessor.

    By the end of breakfast, most of the dogs in South Bend, Indiana, were howling in pain.

    Ah, memories….

    1. LOL!!! I am very familiar with the “Lookit, yeeoooo!” around here! Nothing much like a Southern gal! ;)

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. BIG smile on my face right now, Joe. :) Plan on visiting the South anytime soon?

  2. Oh my gosh, I love this post! Good ole’ Tennessee is much like Virginia…at least the part I’m from! I feel like I just went home for a visit! So glad you popped by my blog which in turn led me to yours. I noticed on your side bar Dead Mule, I’ve published there, love it!

  3. Kellie, I’m originally from Oklahoma–I know some good ‘uns!!

    He don’t know sic-um from cum ‘ere

    And I know what you mean about sweet tea–no such thing in Colorado. There’s no place to go for all-you-can-eat fried catfish on Friday nights either. :(

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