Please welcome Best Selling Author, the fabulous- Rachel Thompson…
I’ve written two books of non-fiction (A Walk In The Snark and The Mancode: Exposed), mostly but not all, humor. I curse, discuss sex, men and women, love, loss, suicide, relationships, even chocolate, paper towel scrunchies, and Prada. I’m often graphic, crude where appropriate (I write about men in my book The Manocde: Exposed and men fart. There’s no getting around it, unfortunately. Sigh.). But above all, I’m heart-wrenchingly honest.
“The only really good piece of advice I have for my students is: Write something you’d never show your mother or father” – Lorrie Moore
**UPDATE for the scaredy cats** lol
Rachel and I have decided to offer you the opportunity to post your pieces anonymously OR you may email Rachel with your piece and she will share it on her blog next week! You can find the email at the end of this article…
People often ask, “What does your mom say?” or “Do your parents read your books?”
I’ve been writing since I was age ten. If it weren’t for the support of my folks, I wouldn’t be writing this guest post for Kellie today. That said, every time I sit down to write a provocative essay like THE PENIS. DECONSTRUCTED (in The Mancode: Exposed), the last thing on my mind is my mother cause um, that would be weird don’t you think?
Besides, I’m forty-eight. I’m married. I have two children. I’m thinking the jig is up.
The quote above by author Lorrie Moore has been amazingly freeing for me as an author. Not only as a humorist, but also as a writer of nonfiction in general.
I write about many topics in my past that are difficult and uncomfortable, not only for me but also for my parents. But guess what? Parents are grown ups! And you know what else? It’s my story, my life, my truth. Why shouldn’t I be able to write about it?
I hear from writers every day who ask me how they can reach this point that to me now comes naturally; that place of honesty, that core of truth. Don’t fear it. Embrace it. If you can reach inside yourself and not worry what others will think, not drape your true soul in purple curtains so people won’t realize this is your story….then, you’re getting closer to revealing something you’d never show your folks.
But, you have to take it one more step, in my opinion. Not only do you have to let go of your worry about what your parents will think. Or friends, or teachers, or that gray mass of THEY at large. You have to let go of YOU.
I don’t need anyone’s permission to write about anything, except my own.
- With that sentence in mind, do you think you can sit down and write a 500-word essay about something you’ve always wanted to reveal but have never felt free enough to discuss? Remember, this is your truth, not a story idea.
(For an example, you can read my blog post Mistake Number Four, about an attempted date rape I experienced in college.)
- Now take that and condense it down into twenty-five words or less. How would you explain this to your best friend? Or make it an elevator pitch.
- Finally, give it a title. Four words or less. A tease. What words would you use in the title to make it intriguing enough for the reader to click on if they saw that title in a tweet or their blog reader? (Tip: Being too vague or using hard to pronounce words will lose your reader immediately. Also, keeping in mind our Twitter culture and the need for brevity due to space limitations (120 characters if you want a retweet, keeping the titles short and to the point also helps as well.)
I hope you enjoy this exercise and find it as freeing as I do. It helps my writing no matter if I’m the funny girl or the serious woman. I hope it helps you as well.
Thanks for this amazing opportunity Kellie! I can be found anywhere as RachelintheOC: Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, blog, email.
Don’t Forget… comment with an original quote & get a FREE Quoto! Let’s have some humor this time!
Rachel’s books A Walk In The Snark (#1 Motherhood) and The Mancode: Exposed (Amazon Top 100), both Kindle bestsellers, are sold exclusively on Amazon (no Kindle required).
Rachel is also a social media consultant; ”I help authors with their author platform, learning social media, branding, and Amazon.” Contact RachelintheOC@gmail.com for rates and info.
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I remember giving my mother the first few chapters of one of my books and saying “here, edit this”. Two days later I got a frantic phone call from her. If we were in the same room I’m sure her face would have been beet red. Her response: “What are you thinking? You can’t write stuff like this. People are going to read this!”
I knew then that if Mom was embarrassed or shocked by something that I’d written, I was on the right track. Now I write the stuff that I’d never show my mother then I show it to her just to make sure I’m getting the right response
Thanks for writing this piece.
That’s awesome, Jackie. No wonder we get along so well. ::))
course, my mom reads my blog and books and even betareads for me (mostly for accuracy of my childhood memories and family history etc.) but it’s fun to hear her reactions.
I have to admit though, she’s pretty cool. I think it’s cuz my older sister did some wild shit before me…got her prepped haha.
No Means No
I always said yes. He loved me. Said I was beautiful. Once it was no, he still heard yes. He was the boyfriend and it was still rape.
My friends know of this particular secret but my family has no idea. I think I’ve kept it because I know it will hurt them and I’d rather keep them from feeling that. I had a rape scene in something I wrote (much more violent than what I experienced) and it was very hard to write and edit, but kind of cathartic at the same time.
I do wonder if they will look into my work and think they see themselves at times…but it doesn’t stop me from writing a certain way. Not yet anyhow.
Thanks so much for writing this from your own perspective. Fiction is a wonderful outlet for our personal experiences, absolutely. This type of sharing, however, is a powerful step to free you from those restraints of self-consiousness — that wall of fear.
I applaud your bravery. I hope you feel a sense of power in doing this.
Fear of hurting others is a powerful hurdle. I myself had to get over those fears in dealing with my own childhood molestation by a neighbor. It took YEARS for me to write about it. Eventually, I owned it and wrote about it on my blog. Something short, but something that had to be done.
For me.
This is for you.
If my parents were still here, I can’t imagine anything I wouldn’t show them. I’d show Mom for the shock value, and Dad just because he was Dad. Now something I wouldn’t show my adult children, that’s a different story…
Great interview, Rachel!
Thanks Kelly for coming over. I’m sorry your parents are both gone. I know they’d be so proud of all you’ve accomplished!
Having adult children — that’s something I haven’t experienced. Mine are still so young. Well, my girl is a tween so she understands much more than my 6yo son. She digs it and knows full well about my past experiences, good and bad.
I can’t wait to read your book. #woot
Thank you so much for sharing this, Rachel! It’s such great advice! So often, I think, we write from a place of fear – fear of offending, fear of judgement, fear of confronting our own monsters. Getting to a place of honesty is so very important.
Thank you so much for posting this, Kellie! It’s lovely to meet you!
Lovely Terri. Thanks for visiting.
I agree with you and that’s what is so freeing about this exercise. I can’t to get in front of that blank screen and fill it with my truth. I love when people get upset, angry, or tell me they can’t relate. Of course they can’t. It’s not their life.
There are universal truths, yes. An author should always strive to relate to their audience. But not at the sacrifice of their own story.
xxoo
Incomplete, Forever Searching.
Ripped away, my body, my soul, my child. My own parents, trust gone, never replaced. No understanding for me, compassion for her, lost again, together.
Wow, that was hard. It’s not good, but it is truth, it is real.
Thanks for posting this, I think I needed to do that.
-Dawn
Thanks Dawn for your bravery and honesty. It’s beautiful. NO judgement here.
Sometimes those demons stay inside us for a very long time because we’re so afraid of hurting other people, without regard for the hurt we are doing to ourselves.
I applaud you, Dawn. I hope you continue along this path and realize nobody is standing over your shoulder, watching. Write whatever you want. You can. It’s okay.
Thanks Rachel. This particular demon has been inside for almost 30 years and it’s the first time I really let it out. I have to walk on eggshells around the subject, to this day, for fear that someone else will pay for my words. I’ve seen it, I know it will happen. Thankfully, none of those people come here so I guess I felt free to let it out here. Thanks again.
-Dawn
What a great post, and a fun exercise. The first time I’ve ever done something like this. And my little secret is so silly in so many ways, but I think it’s symbolic of a part of myself I’m afraid to share with some of the people who are supposed to support me unconditionally.
Here are my 25 words.
My Ink,My Story
Friends and family. I honor two with hidden tattoos, but I’m afraid to have others know the story on my back.
This is so beautiful and thank you for sharing your full story with me on email, honey. It’s so brave of you to share such a huge part of yourself here. It’s not silly, in my opinion, because it’s a big deal for you.
Our parents (or in this case, your mom and other family members) will always see us as children, not peers, no matter our age. When I pierced my nose, I didn’t bother telling anyone. To me it wasn’t a big deal. Whenever a family member saw me though — holy moly, did they freak out. But hello, I’m 48! WTF?
Not needing anyone’s permission to get ink or piercings or have sex or write about all this stuff is part of being an adult. We just have to own it.
I have so much fun following Rachel around the web. She never holds back, and she’s hilarious. That she is a redhead is a fabulous bonus. Thanks for having her for a great interview!
Aw, thx Amberr. People talk about honesty, but many times it’s hard to embrace it. I love saying what other people can’t. Or won’t.
And yea, the red stuff does kinda rock. (^_~)
It was all my pleasure! I was thrilled to have her come play in the backyard and I thank you for following her over! Come visit anytime! Hugs!
I write flowers and sunshine in my job. I do politics the rest of the time. There is rarely the chance to write reality… I did a bit of that earlier, thanks to Rachel’s prompting! Below is my 25 Words
Found Left Wanting
It came like a secret least expected, and desperately unwanted. Bringing suspense, and desires once thought gone. Wasting time like stolen years, it left discontent.
We spoke earlier, Dee and I’d love to see the full 500-word piece to this! It’s great. I think if you allow yourself to dig deeper, give yourself that permission (remember, that’s key), where will you go? Nobody ever has to see it. There doesn’t have to be an audience. Not everything we write is for public consumption.
Sometimes this is just a terrific journal exercise, to get you going. Or the jumpstart you need to crack a character. Who knows?
Close your eyes, let it all out, and just go.
(I can’t figure out how to post, only reply)…. Compressing the five senses and a secret into 25 words is a great idea. And titles are so essential to grounding both writer and reader. Here’s me (I’m a few words over).
This exercise made me think what I still wanted to write about. Thanks Rachel and Kellie!
One of These
I’d rather be ugly than stupid because you can do something about being ugly. I have a similar idea about poverty over stupidity. Though people may argue they are linked, I know the truth.
ohhh yay! Mohana is here! So happy to have you jump in!!! HUGS!!!
I agree with Rachel, not everything is for public viewing but, it is an awesome exercise for yourself to just journal with a free pen now and then. I too would love to see your complete entry! This is awesome!
Ps… you might consider taking a look at my Dear Diary… it’s a journal/free writing exercise you may enjoy!
Thank for sharing with us!
This was a GREAT exercise! I’m anxious to post my 25 words. Thanks so much, Rachel!!! I <3 You!
Well, thanks Dee! I’m so glad you came over and participated. Many people are intimidated by just the thought of this exercise but it’s really not scary — they are just waiting for permission.
So this rocks!
Thank you, Dee! Looking forward to your entry! Have fun!!!
I was Inspired after hearing my youngest daughter telling her big sister,
“I’m not too little! I can do it! I’m not too little”! Her big sister kept saying, “Yes, someday you will be bigger, but right now you are too little to do that”. My little one with confidence says, “Well I’m not as little as I was yesterday”.
I was raped a year ago and a few moths after I found out I was pregnant after a check up with my Doctor. I was emotionless at first; until I told my husband who in return gave me no option but to abort. His harsh words murmuring “rapist baby”, left me feeling filthy and hopeless. I’ve never really decided if I am pro-life or pro-choice. After listening to my daughters talk about being too little or not, it wasn’t about the political argument, it was a gut feeling… that I never followed.
I wrote this poem and out of shame it’s been locked away. How could I let myself feel this connection and know what I wanted and do the opposite – its name is fear.
Here are my tears…
-A Little Too Little-
My conscious has walked on the edge of temptation
Ignoring the piercing voice from the Creator of creation
I hide in what seems safe
Telling myself, you’re still a little too little
So it must make it okay
My state of shock has left me numb
My reality has dissolved some
I hide in oblivion
Telling myself you’re still a little to little
So it must make it okay
My own selfish pride has got in the way
I’m too afraid what people will say
I hide my face in shame
Telling myself you’re still a little too little
So it must make it okay
My fear of the unknown has overwhelmed my soul
How am I to possibly know what your potential holds
I hide in the panic
Telling myself you’re still a little too little
So it must make it okay
Justice would excuse me under such viable conditions
“Anyone would understand in your position”
I hide in the world’s tradition.
Telling myself you’re still a little too little
So it must make it okay
Why then, does it still feel so wrong?
And who am I to decide if life should belong…
I can’t hide in the shadows truly believing…
“you’re a little too little”
It’s like telling God, Almighty,
“You’re a little too little and a little too late”
So that must make ‘this’ okay?
Nothing about ‘this’ makes it okay…
-Anonymous
Closing thoughts:
Telling myself that you’re still a little too little, and that it makes it okay just to make myself feel better is not working. Heartbeat or not, this baby has a big sister who deserves the chance to say … “You’re too little but someday when your bigger you can do that”
I never gave my girls that chance. I went against my gut and don’t think I will every understand if I did what was right. My gut could have been over emotional. I don’t have reasons anymore. I just call it fear.
(not sure I followed guidelines… I just took the chance to blurt this out… I don’t know why… I just did)
I’m so glad you found a home here to take that chance. Guidelines are out the window — do what feels right. Your piece is beautiful, raw, and incredibly honest. My heart breaks for your experience.
My heart cries for you. I can hear your struggle so profoundly in your words. You need so much love and support — I’m sorry you’ve been torn apart in so many ways. Rape is an invasion in many ways, not only physical, and the resulting pregnancy is so much more than a complication.
No right answers, clearly. I hope that writing about it here is a first step for you, and a brave one at that. Bravo.
{{hugs}}
I will not even pretend to know what you went through or even try to find some cliche bit of phrasing to sympathize but, I will say this and know that it is from the bottom of my heart… you have done nothing wrong. you are a woman with a heart, with feelings and went through something unimaginable for most. I believe that decisions are something to be made by the one it directly affects and no one should cast down judgement because they would have done it differently. A higher power knows your heart and what may be wrong to one may be right for another.
I do not even know what to say at this point except that I thank you for sharing this with someone. Your story is something that would touch and speak to so many and I hope you will consider that.
Much love to you xoxoxo ((hugs))
I talk more when I’m nervous, so I end up spilling my entire life to the world. LOL I love you say what you think. It’s very freeing.
Erica, I love that about you. We bonded very quickly because of your wonderful openness and I think that is what makes you such a terrific writer also. Your characters are wild, but you also have that ability to write nonfiction about your life in both a hysterical and heartwarming way.
I heart you.
I tend to ramble myself lol! I admire Rachel for her openness and wish so much I had the balls to just say what i feel. We are just human beings and we all put our pants on one leg at a time… so why cant we just share what we are going through and know that there are many others out there going through or feeling the same and probably would appreciate the honesty?!
fear! bleh! Here’s to overcoming!
Thanks for coming by!
Great post Rach. So true and I love it! Thanks for sharing
BK
Thanks for visiting, BK. You know me well enough to know I speak my mind haha. Appreciate the visit, chica.
A lot of what you say resonates with me. Unfortunately I think you may already be preaching to the choir in my case. I don’t seem to have inhibitions about discussing what others consider ‘hard’ topics. I freely discuss my ex-husband’s multiple personalities and then get puzzled when people apologise to me.
One friend once told me I should move outside my comfort zone. After we discussed exactly what fell inside my comfort zone he revised his opinion LOL. For the same reason, I frequently draw a blank when told to share things no one else knows. Hit the wall at a strategy day last week when the instructor told us to share something our colleagues didn’t know. Couldn’t come up with one!
That’s awesome, Ciara. People ask me if I have a more uninhibited nature than they do and if that’s why I’m more drawn to non-fiction and I don’t know if that’s truly the case or not.
You’re a perfect, shining example of why that’s not true. You’re a fabulous fiction writer, and having this ability to tab into your experiences so easily without self-editing is a perfect way to create experiences and rich characterizations.
I’m still trying to get out of that fatal comfort zone! I have so many pieces I have written that just sit there in my drafts because I am too scared to hit publish! Argh!
You hit on something that is essential for writers and that is to never be comfortable. When you’re uncomfortable you’re headed in the right direction.
Damn. I could’ve just said that. Thanks Coral. {{hugs}}
“when your uncomfortable you’re headed in the right direction” WOW!!! perfect! hehehe
does this mean I have to change out of my pj’s? 
My mother doesn’t read – probably fortunate. However, my daughter does and she is a great fan. She thrives on the naughty bits and recommends my books to her friends. I need more fans like that…
Jacqueline, that’s awesome. I have a friend who writes erotica and her husband is worried about the kids finding out. That said, she sells A LOT of books and has for many years. I think it’s awesome that your girl loves what you do.
My girl is 12 and understands that her mama writes about real things — some funny, some not so much. I often read my essays to her. I proudly believe she’s wise beyond her years and many of her friends come to her for advice. She’s got a good grip on human nature and I like to think I’ve got a hand in that.
Well, that and a lot of Madonna when she was five.
Great post. It is nice to see Rachel here. ♥ I recently found out my Grandma read my book. I couldn’t breath for a good 5 seconds. I got over it. My writing is what it is and I am happy to get my families support for what I do.
Thx Jess. Yea, grandmas are a tough nut. Mine are both passed, so I never had to worry about that.
Though I remember seeing PRETTY WOMAN with one of mine and she left the theatre at what a filthy slut that Julia Roberts was for going down on Richard Gere. She hated ‘that dirty bitch’ the rest of her life. Explaining that 1) she was playing a hooker so it kinda went with the job description and 2) it was a MOVIE did no good.
Forever in her mind, Julie Roberts was a filthy slut.
RIP, Bamma.
I actually just shared a “deep” piece i am working on for a new manuscript, with my mother and she was like “OMG, Kellie, are you thinking about suicide?” lmao! So, I will no longer be sharing with her or else she may call mobile crisis to take me away in a straight jacket EEK!
Kellie, when my exboyfriend killed himself, I shared many of my pieces dealing with my grief on my blog and in my first book. My mom read them, my sisters read them. At a family function, they held an “intervention” thinking I was depressed, thinking I blamed myself (we’d been apart over 25 years) etc. — all because I’d bared my soul about it.
I assured them that just because I grieved for someone I once loved, it was OKAY for me to write about it #deargod. People love to tell you how to grieve — what’s acceptable. I didn’t know what to do — I only knew that writing helped me and sharing it with others helped me also.
Training family is important.
Reminds me of when my grandma first passed away. I inherited her house and i painted the kitchen red. Only because I liked red and wanted to bring color into the house but, because she loved red and the fact that the kitchen was were she spent most of her time AND the red I chose was a little extreme; once it was on the wall it was bright red like blood lol! My family thought I went crazy and they too tried an intervention lmao!
Great exercise, Rachel. I love writing stuff I would fee uncomfortable reading out loud at family gatherings.
but wouldn’t it be awesome if we could, DC? #rawr
Oh me tooooo!!! I cannot even read/record a reading of my poetry for an audio track! It is really weird. But it is a good idea and prob would be a great thing to overcome and just do…how freeing eh?
I think that’s good advice. My parents want to read what I write but I’ve said no.
Interestingly, my mom reads my blog whenever I post and while she has concerns at time, it’s rare she’ll voice them. I have no problem with her reading anything I write. I figure it’s her choice to read me — that’s a grown up choice.
Mostly she just wants to know why I don’t call more often. haha.
Call your Mother! And, please tell my daughter in NYC to do the same…
Thanks for the visit, Raine and Julie.
I do understand that you are limited by genre, for sure. But that’s the beauty of using this technique — you’re not limited in other areas — say your blog, poetry, or other genres. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find out something about your writing you didn’t know before?
*wicked smile*
An excellent suggestion, Rachel! Although I’m a YA author and can’t really feature material that I wouldn’t show my parents (ha ha), I have written such things in the past. It’s a great creative exercise that helps a writer discover who she really is and what she really wants to write. Great post!
see, that is part of my prob. I have kind of branded my blog into this poetry, flowery, happy place and so now, when I have something to say that is not so pretty, it just does not fit
and so it sits wasted away on my drafts and I do not know how to introduce them to my readers without scaring them away! 
I write Young Adult Paranormal Romance, but it’s more towards the “adult” end of the spectrum.
There’s nothing “too” graphic in my books — no body parts named or deconstructed — but my protags think about sex ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME. (Sort of like me when I was 17).
Forget parents. My husband is horrified that I write “dirty” books. (And all this time I thought I was writing honest, heart-warming love stories straight from my heart). #Men.
Thanks for writing such an empowering post, Rachel! I adore your books! #EmbraceTheSnark!
I don’t know; I’ve read YA that I wouldn’t want my parents to read…
I like the way your mind works, Rachel – and I’m also going to try that exercise, thanks so much for the tips. Am on my way now to check out your links.
Thanks, Kellie, for introducing us to such a fascinating person and writer! ~ Julie
Thanks, Julie! I’m happy I could share Rachel with you guys! I knew you all would LOVE her!!!