I was writing last night, revisiting a novel I started nearly three years ago and I wrote more in that one sitting than I had since I began. It became later and later and my eyes started to burn so, I closed my laptop, put away the ashtray, my pack of cigarettes and lighter, and went to bed.
As I lie there on my pillow, the old man who leads the story kept calling to me, telling me where he wanted to go, what he wanted to say and no matter how hard I tried to silence him, he would not stop chattering in my head. I was exhausted, and even the thought of getting back up, getting my cigarettes and the ashtray seemed to tire me even more, so I continued to lie there. There came upon me a feeling of anxiety, my heart was beating so hard in my chest that I could hear it in my ears. I thought to myself, am I making a mistake for abandoning him tonight? What if tomorrow, when I wake, he becomes silent? Which would be a good possibility considering he had a late night, frolicking in my head.
The anxiety soon turned to excitement. I found myself pondering thoughts like, what if this old man is trying to tell me something, what if he needs to be written because, his story will be the last great story ever told, or the last great story ever read? And then, the writer in me began to drift in the idea of a future where books were an endangered species and mine, the story of this old man, was the last book on earth and a band of literary saviors (like Greenpeace for the whales) had one very important mission… to save my book!
That is when I decided that I would stay there in my bed because, I was obviously delirious from lack of sleep and needed to rest. This morning, as I had already suspected, the old man sleeps.
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Don’t I know that feeling. Born out of waking up as though in a dream, only to discover that was exactly what I’d done, through waking up again, I knew I had to weave the phenomenon into a novel. Tha’s what I’m doing with Pedersen’s Last Dream, which is being edited on wordpress as I go along.People can see how it’s done – or not how to do it here: pedersenslastdream.wordpress.com
Thanks for reading, Bryan. And for sharing your blog… I will soon make time to stop by and follow your journey as well. ♥
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I have a notepad I use all the time, but travelling etc, I lose so many ideas. Maybe a voice recorder is a good idea.
Jim
Great, I woke the other morning having dreamt this great story plot. I think it may be because we can, not just, your mind is doing strange things.
Go on, and the old man will be beside you.
Liz
Thanks, Liz…for your comment and encouragement to continue on.
Those last few thoughts in the midst of a waning mind are so potent as they are the gatekeepers to our slumbering states.
In lieu of actually scribbling it out on a notepad, I’ve found myself reciting a sentence over and over again, half asleep, half awake, a mantra of the subconscious shading my resting hours only to awake and find the idea was best served in that small fleeting version and really held no context to a greater story in the light of day. Much like the drunken karaoke singer who believes they have struck gold, my sleepy mind thinks the world is its playground.
I’ve also found that the really big ideas come back for more even if we try to push them away. May I ask, did the new chapter come back in a different way or similar to what the old man wanted from you that night?
He actually held the same ideas
but, I found there was some struggle in remembering most of what I felt so important. I kept trying to remember what else it was that he said but, I got nothing… 
Haven’t we all been there at some point in time? I remember keeping a pen and pad beside the bed. I would awaken in the morning, take pad in hand, pour a cup of coffee and try my best to read my own scribbling! A word here and another there didn’t make sense until I figured out which words went together! C’est le vie in the writer’s world!
BTW WELCOME TO THE SISTERHOOD OF WORLD BLOGGERS! GO TO CATNIP – http://catnipoflife.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/- read the ‘rules’, grab the badge and be sure to leave comments accepting the invitation. Once you have your own posting in place go back to catnip and leave the link to your post in the comments box. At that time, I will grab the link and post it to my site. Hugs to you, Sister!
THEN…you have a gift @ http://catnipoflife.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/blog-of-the-year-2012/ You are a star!
‘Tis the season for giving!
Oh I have been there. I have often wondered if it is fear that makes that happen. If I sit in the middle of the day, empty house, time aside to work, laptop at the ready – nothing comes. It’s like a kind of performance anxiety, like the page is saying “come on then, show me the best you can do!”. Late at night there’s nothing to lose, if I can’t write it’s because I’m tired, if I can’t finish a chapter, yep it’s because I’m tired, the pressure is off. Writing life is strange indeed xx
Exactly!!! But, I am happy to say that he woke up and I have written a new chapter!
Yay! So satisfying when it comes back to you and those words start to tumble out… lots of love and luck with the new book xx
Thank you, Vanessa. The new one is another collection and will be followed by yet another…until I can finish this novel. This is a whole new world to me, full length books/stories that is.
hi kellie, i would like to nominate you for the award the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. thanks for the amazing stories you share with us all.. i am an aspiring writer and your words inspire me to improve my own efforts in the direction.. thanks again
http://sickocean.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/very-inspiring/
I hate nights like that!!!
They are quite frustrating.
Been there!! And though I too believe and try to keep the notebook next to the bed, it’s not always practical when you’ve left it next to the kettle downstairs from the morning after the night before and sleep overpowers your will to make it back downstairs again, let alone trying to find a pencil to write in it
haha oh yea, the notebook is easy, it’s the pen that is the villain! Always hiding lol
Can you remember the keys, the keys old man left you to the cipher of where he wanted to lead you? Key words or phrases he left within your head. They may not be obvious, but they will most surely un-gag the silence which sits still. Just waiting for the breeze to move across the water of words lending them to gush forth with his story from within your head. All the best with the book and the old man, where ever he takes you.
If you knew me… you’d know I always lose the keys lol
Thank you for the comment and he has come back to me. ♥
Opposite here, sometimes I remember too much. I hope the old man has taken you some interesting places this week.
Isn’t that how it works unfortunately? I have taken to make a note in my tools page of my phone. Not easy to type but helps me to remember the central idea later to hopefully expand on. Great little story about the moment of inspiration!
Yea, I have a simple notepad on my phone but it is really hard to type as you said so by the time I get it put in, I lose most of the thought/idea I had started with.
Some of my best ideas come while waiting for sleep to come. I’m always torn between the need for sleep with the accompanying fear that I’ll have lost the idea by the morning and the desire to at least write the idea down, knowing that doing so will keep the mental whir going. Rarely do I chose the latter.
Ideas come to me when I am trying to sleep as well. They also like to surface when I am driving or in some kind of situation where I cant write it down.
I keep a tiny digital tape recorder for those moments. Most of the time it is the car that I hear my own voice telling me stories. The old man will wake up, I’m sure of it!
I used to keep a notepad by my bed for this purpose but, I went through a time when I didn’t write much at all and stopped making sure I had one. Now, it seems I should try it again. I love the idea of a voice recorder but, I can write thoughts more clearly than verbalizing them.