Author Notes: Quick Stop for Fuel

I have to be sad to write.

Or lonely, or grieving, or anything that is the opposite of happy.

That’s what came to me the other day while sitting in front of a blank screen, beating myself up. I was on empty. The cursor flashing at me like a low fuel light.

I realized something I already knew. I write best when I am swallowed by sadness. And sometimes nostalgia, which is also sad because most things nostalgic, for me, involve someone dead, something lost… times, people, places, things that are gone forever. Trying to hold onto those things, or rather, just refusing to let go, kept me in places that helped me create poetry.

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I’m not saying I have let go. And I’m not saying I am completely happy. I’m just saying that writing from those sad places requires too much from me.

 

 

Submit? I thought about it. Maybe I could just fall back into those lonely crevices where the words hide and scratch off the scabs. Maybe then I could write something with heart. Maybe then I could bleed again. But going there, would make me a recluse once more. Hidden in my room, wallowing in a grave filled with dead things. A grave that would become my own.

If you’re thinking that whole last paragraph may have been a little melodramatic, sure it was. But that’s the closest thing to poetry anyone has seen from me in a while. Was it good? It felt good.

 

Aside from sadness, the only other thing that fuels my pen is life experiences. Being out in the world, living, loving, making memories. Drinking up the sun…

Carpe Diem(ing)!

Over the last five years, I’ve written four poetry collections (one of which is not yet published), and one novella. Time to gas up, don’t ya think?

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Now, does all this mean I’ve given up poetry? Does it mean I’ll never write again? Absolutely not. In fact, I still write often. Ideas, thoughts, a moment I want to remember. Short form stuff. And a bit of #micropoetry on Twitter. [Follow me!]

So, while I’m at the station refueling… and grabbing a chocolate bar, hang out at #FWF. I’ll still be shooting you prompts each week…and posting updates about the forthcoming release of Withering.

Stick around. I’m not done.

xo Kellie

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17 thoughts on “Author Notes: Quick Stop for Fuel

  1. You know what, I read this the other day and it got me thinking on the times when I write. And today I’m feeling quite happy, and wanting to write a personal experience piece woven as a story, and I thought ‘heck, what am I going to write about’?, it is easier to write those types of pieces when my mood is sombre!

    I’m writing a couple of flash stories today, but I’m thinking deeply of challenging myself to write the other style from my happy feelings and see how I get on. It will be an interesting adventure and my blog is ultimately about stretching myself so I’ll it a go and see what comes out.

    I feel like I want to say something else but the words aren’t coming; maybe they will next time I visit! ;-)

  2. I can totally understand your feeling and the melodramatic angst of writing from your pain. Refueling sounds like a brilliant idea – who knows maybe when the urge to write comes back it will find a new form and come from a happier place. I’m glad you will still be doing FWF prompts – they are so creative and inspirational

    1. That is what I’m hoping for, Suzanne. I could use some happier inspiration for sure. :) And I’m so glad you enjoy FWF. Thank you for being a part of it each week. A pleasure having you and your gift shared with us. xoxox

  3. It is easy to fall into the familiar trap of what we think works to make us the creative beings that we are. Stepping away (sometimes far away) becomes the means for new inspiration and insights for ideas. My trip last summer to the rocky Northern Atlantic Coast helped me to write the “Geographical Escape” saga that sprung from your FWF prompt (07/07/13). After that, a whole new world of writing opened up for me! XXOO

        1. “Unplugged” is the key word. I sure wish I could manage that. Unfortunately, if I were to unplug, I would lose too much. Both jobs I hold do not allow for such. I would sink :(
          Sigh…. but I can dream. ♥

          1. I get you. One of the reasons I am such an early riser is the need to capture a few moments of peace. Often my ideas (even mere words) come to me in this dream like state. Keep dreaming girl! :)

  4. I haven’t read much of your work Kellie, but that which I have seems to speak of how I feel about my own writing. And these are feelings I’m afraid to express! So it’s refreshing for me to read your work, speaking my mind :) Hope you’re re-fuelling goes well and I look forward to reading more.

  5. Yes the melodramatic paragraph was great, and I love the quote you chose from MJK I am a huge fan of all things he touches, but mostly of his music with Tool and A Perfect Circle…. dark, deep, real feelings weaved into his lyric. In fact, I just posted a video/sound clip a week ago. I hope life, sun and chocolate reward you with heartfelt writings.

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